Category: singleness


I have been wanting to keep updating my blog audience of my progress with my getting back into shape.  Since I completed my goal of losing 100lbs I didn’t want to keep blogging about my journey to 100.  So I have been giving it some thought lately and I’ve decided to blog once a week, or every other week, about living healthy both spiritually and physically.  I will still be giving updates on weight-loss but I am also planning on sharing Scriptural thoughts on living healthy spiritually.  I have no idea what it’s going to look like yet – but this is a new series for 2010 and I’m sure it will develop through the year as I go.

My goal for fitness this year is to drop another 60lbs from where I’m at then re-evaluate how I feel/ where I’m at and go from there.  Spiritually I am planning on doing the B90X program a few times this year.  I would like to do it through at lest twice.  I’m really looking forward to that actually.

So here’s where I’m at physically:

Last update: 298
This week: 290

Total: 111 (since January 17 2009)

I feel really good about the 8 pound drop.  My last update was about 3 weeks ago.  The week of New Years Eve I went back to my parents and ate…and ate…I did ok but man I ate a ton.  This past week I’ve been sick with the flu and an abscessed tooth so I’ve just mainly had soups all week.  I love soup but I am really looking forward to moving away from soup this next week.

So here we go on a new year long series of living healthy: spiritually and physically.

Last Saturday was my ‘high calorie’ day.   I got up at 5am to workout before our little kids Christmas program practice, adult choir cantata practice and going to Des Moines for the rest of the day with Joel and Nate.  I ate a yogurt for breakfast and so since it was my ‘high calorie day’ we went to Chili’s for supper.  I had a jalapeno cheddar burger with jalapeno ranch sauce.  We also had jalapeno ranch fried onion strips (haystack?).  Oh and for dessert I had some white chocolate volcano cake with white hard shell topping on top of the ice cream that came on it.  Oh yeah.  It was definitely my ‘high calorie day.’  So the rest of the week I cut back to about 1600 calories a day trying to lose the 6lbs I needed to break the 100lbs mark.

I worked harder and a little longer each day.  I switched some things up.  All week I couldn’t notice a difference in anything.  I felt sluggish – almost like I was coming down with something.  I was tired through my workouts and was getting frustrated.  Still I kept pushing.  In the end it was all worth it.  This weeks results are below:

Last week: 307
This week: 298

Journey total: 103

I FINALLY broke the 100lbs mark.  Honestly I can’t really put into words the emotions I have been going through for the 45 minutes I have known.  I have been crying – but in a good way.  I had no idea losing 100lbs would be so emotional.  I would often watch The Biggest Loser and when they would get emotional on there I would often think to myself, “Why is it such a big deal?”  Well now I know why.  It is a BIG deal.  I am the lightest I have been in 10 years.  I am finally under 300lbs…it feels good to say that.  I am going to keep going.  I have 50-60 more I want to drop then I’ll be at a spot where I can really be happy.

I need a shower and a nap now.  Thanks for praying for me and continually checking in and challenging me.  We have reached this point together.

I wrote a post a few days ago on how my singleness hit me like a ton of bricks one night last week while I was driving home from working out.  I have had some really good discussions from it.  Both through my blog and through email – even a few in person.  So I thought I would do a post on my response to singleness.

Right now I’m really enjoying my singleness.  Do I have a desire to be married with kids someday?  Sure I do – but I have come to the realization that it will happen when God is ready for it to happen for me.  I’m ok with being single.  Last Wednesday night completely caught me by surprise.  I wasn’t ready for it and didn’t see it coming.  My post wasn’t aimed at anything in all honesty.  It wasn’t a response to anything besides my desire and what was frustration last Wednesday night.  I’m really ok with where I am at.

Singleness is a gift and a curse all wrapped up in one.  As singles there are times we really love being single and there are times we really don’t.  The thing about singleness is that it’s not about us.  It’s completely about God and what he wants for us.  God will call some of us to be single and some of us to be married.  For those of us he calls to be single it’s not because he’s punishing us – it’s just that he knows we’re more effective for him single than we would be married.  We have to come to a place where we are comfortable with that.  Honestly I’m there.

On the whole attraction thing.  Attraction comes in various forms.  It isn’t based solely in the physical appearance of a person at all.  Someone can be unattractive physically by the worlds standards but yet be attractive becuase of their walk with Christ.  For me when I first meet a girl who is attractive physically I pray and ask God to make her unattractive to me until I get to know her for who she is in Christ.  I know it sounds odd but when you find the true beauty of a person in their identity with Christ the beauty they hold is far more beautiful than anything that a physical attraction can bring.  Does that mean I don’t ind girls attractive physically?  Not at all – but it does help me keep things in check.  The physical aspect does play a part in why I am back to working out and trying to get into shape again.  I’m doing it more for me but I know it will also help down the road in relationships.  It is superficial but it is what it is.  I have to struggle through these things myself and I’m not void of them.

I like the freedom singleness brings but at the same time I look forward to a day to have a spouse who fully supports me in the ministry I have.  I look forward to someone cheering me on and vice versa.  I’m not focused on it though.  God will work how he chooses when he chooses to.  I know that.  I’ve been through enough and have seen God do enough really amazing things to know that he can make anything happen – and he will because he is God!  He can do that.

I’m reminded of Pauls words in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34,

” I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him.  But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife.  His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit.  But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.”

I want to be concerned about God’s work and what he wants me to do.  I need it to be a discipline of my life.  I don’t want anything to take away from that.  Granted Paul isn’t trying to say marriage is bad at all.  He’s just pointing out the obvious.  There are so many more things to be concerned about in a marriage with a family.  Right now I get to be concerned about God’s work and his will for me with little or no interruption – for the most part.  I’m ok with that.

One resource that I found a year or two ago is Boundless.  Boundless is an online singles resource and ministry of Focus on the Family.  Don’t let that fool you – it is incredible.  So much wisdom and the articles are not cheesy.  I absolutely love it.  It’s helping me to become a better man who is striving to be Godly as well.  Don’t get me wrong while I’m content with where I am at in my singleness – I am currently studying and reading books on becoming a better man both in my relationship with God, others and yes – even girls.  Right now I’m reading Elisabeth Elilliot’s The Mark of a Man: Following Christ’s Example of Masculinity.’ It has been a great book and is really stretching me.

I’m in a good spot and I do have some amazing friends and I tell them that.  Sometimes I think they think I’m odd for telling them that – but it is what it is.  I like to give verbal encouragement.  I guess that’s my love language.

I love where I’m at.  I love chasing God.  I’m really in a good spot.

crying out to God…

Let me just throw this out as a disclaimer here: this is not directed at any certain group of people or persons.  This is just trying to let you in on what I’m dealing with – which is small potatoes compared to some things people are currently going through.

Last week was a tough week for me.  I was just really struggling with my singleness.  I don’t know what it is but I just couldn’t get it out of my mind.  The thing is I’m not sure who I have here that I can really talk about it with.  I mean really talk.  Sometimes I feel like I’m on an island doing life on my own – while desperately crying out on the inside,

“I don’t like feeling alone!”

but not saying anything because I don’t feel like I have anyone who will listen.  I’m just being honest.  I know I do have those people in my life but lets be honest – life gets messy and people like to think that pastors have it all together.  I so wish that was true right now.

Wednesday night I was driving home from working out and I was overwhelmed by it.  I all of a sudden felt so lonely and just broke down and started bawling.  God and I had an intense conversation.  I even yelled at him because I feel so broken.  It went something like this,

“God I don’t want to feel this way!  If I’m supposed to be single I’m ok with that.  Just take away this longing to be married to someone who can appreciate me for me!  Don’t let me have these desires if you’re not going to do anything about it!  More than anything I so want what you want for me – even if it’s what I have now…just take this away from me.  Please…PLEASE – I am begging you…”

I was completely inconsolable to the point of going home and falling asleep just bawling crying out to God.  Someone once told me I was too picky but I am unwilling to just settle.  I can’t.  It’s not who I am and it’s not who God wants me to be.  Some would even mock me to find out there’s a girl who is absolutely physically attractive that wants to date me – but she’s not solid.  She’s a believer but we don’t line up on the big things like: our walk with God, divorce, homosexuality and more.  I just can’t.  She knows it – we’ve talked about our differences.  Do I wish we lined up more?  Absolutely but I can’t compromise on my convictions and beliefs.  I just can’t – which makes it tough.

At the same time I can’t help but feeling like I’m dysfunctional because I’m not datable.  I’m tired of not being good enough.  I’m tired of not being attractive enough (or at all).  I’m tired of not being successful enough.  I’m tired of not being the Abercrombie and Fitch guy.  I’m tired of not being Godly enough or worth it enough. I’m tired of being judged by my waistline and not my God-line or at least feeling that way.

I’m just tired.

I was pouring my heart out to God telling him all of this Wednesday night.  I felt broken, embarrassed and ashamed.  Then I was reminded of Hebrews 4:15, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.”  Jesus can sympathize with me – not just in my temptations but also in my longings.  My desires.  The cries of my heart.  It grieves him when I grieve because he’s sympathetic.  He cries when I hurt because he cares enough – he even sympathizes.  Jesus sympathizes with me – even while I’m crying out with God.

Wednesday night I know Jesus was crying and grieving with me and for me.  This not only brings comfort but also brings assurance of a greater hope than anything I could ever experience while here on earth.  I know all of the Christian cliches and I’m not looking for those.  This is just me ranting.  Some may think I’m mad and I’m really not mad – just frustrated.  Sometimes I can’t help but think,

“God come on!  Some of my friends or people I know are treating their wives horribly and they don’t love you.  I love you and want to do what is right so what gives?”

I’m not looking right now either.  That’s why I’m so confused at why this is a big deal for me.  I’ve come to a place where I’m ok being single.  I really am.  I’ve got a great job.  I do have good Godly friends.  I love our students and our church.  Why this has been a big deal for me this week I’m not sure.  I take comfort in knowing God is in control of my life and that he will do what he sees best to do for me and with me.

I’m ok with that because he does know best.

boundless: behind the mask

behind-the-mask

I read the blog over at Boundless.  It’s really good and it’s geared towards single people who are college aged- 35ish.  It’s got some great insight in the articles that are online.  If I’m not wrong – I think it’s the digital form of the actual magazine.  No scratch that – it’s actually a webzine.  Anyway today I read their article Behind The Mask which is about  community.  It’s good stuff.  Here’s a clip

Knowing another person is a fearsome proposition. When I meet someone new, he’s already been living for years on a screwed-up planet. What bruises has he picked up along the way? I’ve formed the beginning of relationships only to discover people were clingy addicts or incorrigible gossips … and I had no idea at first. It’s enough to make me afraid to shake hands after church.

Being known means revealing your own scars from 20-odd years of wading through life. You’re opening yourself up to rejection on a deeper level than those junior high insults when people said your Mama dressed you funny. The eighth-grade clowns could only pick on your looks. If a person knows you, he has power to stomp your dreams.

So most of us crave intimacy at the same time we’re running from it, and who can blame us? We’ve tried to be more open and gotten ignored in return. We figured church might to be a safe place to build relationships, then found out most “Life Groups” should be called “Pretending-I’ve-Got-My-Life-Together Groups.” If you share your real prayer requests, you’ll earn three super-spiritual lectures and a rumor that you’re a prideful doubter.