Humility has been a theme for me since I have moved to North West Iowa…or at least it seems like it has been.  Last week I went through a rough time.  What I came to the conclusion of was that God has been using a process to humble me.  Being humbled isn’t fun and I’ve never thought of myself as a proud person so I couldn’t understand why I was going through it.  Now that I have had some more time to think about it I think I am undestanding why.

I have been a prideful person.

I have seen it in the relationships/ friendships I have here in Newell even.  People have been so willing to accept me for who I am but sometimes I blow them off.  At first I thought it was becuase I have this idea that people won’t accept me because of my weight or looks.  It’s something that I have gotten used to hearing time and time again.  I have come to realize that I use that to hide my pride.  Some would say it’s a self-esteem problem but I don’t think so.  See when I can’t approach people sometimes I think, “They should initiate conversation with me first.  I know it’s my outward appearance that’s what’s stopping them.”  In reality it’s me being a jerk that is stopping them.  I have some to realize that I can’t hide behind MY preconceived notions of myself.  I have to initiate.  I can’t sit back and hope people come to me.

I am only in the beginning stages of being humbled I think.  More than anything I want to be a man who is constantly chasing after God.  I want people to see that and be drawn to Christ in me – NOT ME.  Honestly I am looking forward to this process and the new friendships that can form from it.  Don’t get me wrong I have been truly blessed by some friendships of people close to my age here.  That has been an awesome thing.  I really needed that.  I have no idea if any of them read my blog – alright I know of one that does and so thanks for being an encouragement to me.