Dear Person Who Vandalized My House,

I am somewhat proud of you this time.  Last time your efforts were lame.  Oh they were still lame this time but you are stepping out in bravery…kind of.  Dear Person Who Vandalized My House you won’t be considered brave until you can pull this off while I am home.   I know what you are thinking, “Maybe I’m not the same person who did it last time.”  Well the thing is that someone close to you has let the cat out of the bag revealing your identity to me.

Dear Person Who Vandalized My House I do have a few questions for you.  Why did you use rolls of receipt paper instead of TP?  Was it easier for you to steal it from your parents than taking TP from the family bathroom?  What is p with the cryptic message you left on my sidewalk that read. “This is your warning…the finale will follow soon”?

Dear Person Who Vandalized My House you do realize it on now don’t you?

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