Dear Person Who Taped a Fork to My Door Because You Were Too Scared to Fork My Yard,

I don’t know what to say.  Is taping a fork to the door really the best card you have in your hand?  What were you thinking?  I guess I am disappointed and frustrated.  I thought I was teaching you better than this.  See in order to pull off a prank you have to commit to the whole thing.  Maybe I should give you some credit – after all you did do something after months of being nothing but talk, “Hey someday we are going to prank you.”  Is this it?  Really?  I thought by sharing stories of my pranking days you would have gotten some good ideas and would have come full force to prank me.  Instead you wimp out and TAPE a fork to my door?

Dear Person Who Taped a Fork to My Door Because You Were Too Scared to Fork My Yard I can’t imagine the adrenaline rush that was going through you when you got out of the car with your grand ideas.  I can’t imagine the fear of retribution that ran through your mind as you approached the door.  I’m sure it was something like, “Oh man.  If he finds out who did this we are hosed.”  See that would be the correct response.  Fear…lots of it.  I dug out my box of pranks last night, dusted it off and opened it up and to my delight everything in their was screaming, “Come on!  Use us!”  Dear Person Who Taped a Fork to My Door Because You Were Too Scared to Fork My Yard do you realize you have opened Pandora’s Box of prnaks on yourself now?

You may argue, “But it wasn’t really a prank.”  And you know you’re right.  SO then you may argue, “So since it was a prank then there’s no need for payback right?”  To which I would say, WRONG!  It’s all about the principle behind it my friend.  The principle.”  It was a pathetic attempt of pranking somebody.  You failed Rule #1 in pranking someone;

Rule #1:  Bring it with everything you have NEVER looking back.

Dear Person Who Taped a Fork to My Door Because You Were Too Scared to Fork My Yard you failed miserably at Rule #1.  As a matter of fact I am ashamed to say I even know you – you and your lack of skill and application when it comes to pranking.  Somehow I feel as if it’s my fault.  I feel like a parent who has failed in bringing up their child.  I have tried to teach you some of the best pranks and you must have not been paying attention.  I feel for you…really.

Dear Person Who Taped a Fork to My Door Because You Were Too Scared to Fork My Yard don’t worry.  I don’t get even in pranking.

I get ahead.

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